1th of September..

Dear Blog,...

It seems School has begun again,.. but not for me though.. Nope, school's over for me now, like forever. This means, now of the rest of my life I have to work IN a school... But I have 'some' prosperity right? It has to be work. But where, when it doesn't say. I can always ask my book of answers, but the answers are not really that satisfying to read.. Damn.. I felt completely useless today.. and the main reason is that I am not at work, not in a school, no where whatsoever.. SHIT! What the hell?? Do I want to work? I don't know,.. Do I want to study some more? I DON'T KNOW! I always say no, but secretly I think 'yes'.. Ahwell.. When the first school will offer me work (that could be ANY (!) day now..) maybe things will gonna get better.... Wow,.. It's like sometimes I want to speed up somethings like my other fellow students allready have... (living together, buying a house, having children) but I'm just 22! (and inside I'm still a little kid that doesn't know what to do..) Intriges.. HATE them.

It lookes like I'm not that good of friendsmaker.. well, I'm quite sure of it... Well, In Ireland I kinda did my best (but sometimes not too),.. looks like it didn't help at all.. I didn't make any friends for life or one of those friends you would invite to your wedding* (this came from another erasmusstudent) and now I still feel bad about it. I can be complicated sometimes.. and the worse thing is it is ALWAYS on my mind... I don't know why, but it always is. Going mad about those things.. Partly it is really my fault.. In a way the Erasmus wasn't really that positive, it could have been soooo much better. But does that make me a perfectionist? What did I had to do more..? 3 months isn't enought too make lifelong friends. I only have 'really good friends' (note: not BEST friends) that I know about 3 years... Ah well.. I have to stop worrying about it, it's over.. End of that chapter. Why does it still keep bugging me?? It looks like I'm searching for a bit of attention probably or I am looking desperatly for some recognition or just acceptation or maybe this, that.. Who will say..

Wow,.. sorry that's the end of my rant! But still.. The best thing probably is to forget the whole thing right?

So, even though I was up very early this morning (must be the reason of my depressing thoughts) and I have a wee bit of PMS (must be the reason of my depressing thoughts too..) I still felt totally (I think this was Kate's favourite word.. (I wonder how she is..)) useless. DAMN

One of the bad (but a bit funny) was the dream I had.. I was quite scary... (rolls eyes..) You know, I'm studying for my drivers license now (finally!) and this nite I had a dream I was driving a car and I was sooooo bad at it it was terrible!! Yiykes.. Hate cars. I sooo want one! :P

Btw,.. anyone seen the Peugeot ad on tv?? I just love it!! (you know,.. it's the one with the ladybugs doing some jumping in the car :P) I just laugh my head off every time I see this ad!! Really..

PS: It looks like we might go to Schotland next year (summerholiday).. IF we have (and that means mostly ME) some money :D... Now, I think I will go on a hungerstrike next week (or better climb on a crane - the high ones) and demand for a job - in school off course,.. cos that's the only thing I can do or may do for now.Who's with me?? Anyone up for a bit of sponsering?? LOL,.. just joking.

Laterz...xxSara

How 'bout some cool (and cheering cartoons about going back to school?!) Have fun :)